New Year…New Me….No thank you!


I’m sitting in my kitchen, drinking coffee and reflecting on 2015.  All the bumps, the lessons, the triumphs, the downs, the hard times, and the good times.  I recently joined this soul firing mentor group to really blast into 2016 and make shit happen in my life (check it out here!).  2 weeks ago we were asked to sit down and write out everything we accomplished in 2015, even if it was something we thought was maybe not really an accomplishment.  So I stared at the paper for a while thinking, ‘2015 was  such a shit year, I don’t think I’ll have much to write.’….and then it just started flowing….3 pages worth of gratitude, accomplishments, and lessons from 2015.  I was stunned, I think I may still actually be stunned because I kept telling myself that this year was “Hard”,  it was “rough”,  “I wasn’t sad to see it go”.   After that exercise I am letting 2015 go full of gratitude for the lessons it brought me.  This year made me a stronger woman, a better mother, a more present wife.  It also helped me to learn how to shine my light and where to shine it the brightest.  This year was the beginning of finding my happy that at first I didn’t even know I was missing.  This year has brought me patience, understanding, gentleness, and a fierce love for everyone and everything I have.

I am not jumping into 2016 with radical resolutions that I will only beat myself up for not accomplishing, I am not writing out all the things I want to “change” about myself,   and I am not heading into 2016 thinking I need to be brand new, and different. I am heading into 2016 as the me that was made in 2015, I am heading in with a fresh and clear mind about where I am headed and what I am doing.  I am heading in stronger and smarter than I was last year.  I will never say again that 2015 was “hard, or shitty, or rough”.  2015 was the year that shaped me into who I am today, and I am damn proud of how far I have come.

I would really encourage all of you to sit down at some point today and write out everything that happened to you this year, good, bad or otherwise.  Find a lesson or a strength that you took away from the hard stuff, and then be so grateful for it!  There is no need to make declarations of grandiose change in yourself!  Keep being who you are, just plan to keep growing.  Always grow yourself and continue learning everyday.  We don’t stop learning when we leave school, every minute of every day holds some sort of lesson.  We can either choose to acknowledge it and learn, or we can choose to ignore it.  When we ignore the lesson it continues to happen until we learn.  Be ok with knowing you need to grow more, whether it’s mentally or emotionally, or even physically.  Make your New Year’s resolution easy for yourself, declare to yourself that you resolve to be the best version of yourself this year.  Tell yourself that no matter what you will be proud of yourself, that you will take all the lessons of this year and acknowledge them.  Tell yourself that you don’t need to be this “Brand new, better person”  YOU ARE ALREADY FUCKING AMAZING, you just have new lessons to learn this year.  Be open to the lessons, be open to the change, be open to letting it happen.  Most of all, remember to keep being the light.  Shine brighter than the sun today, tomorrow, and always!.

Happy New Year’s Beauties



A Normal Day….Is there such thing?

Today is just a normal day like any other. Wake up, coffee, coffee, dogs out, coffee……..zzzzzzz……more coffee, breakfast and lunches for the kids, dogs breakfast, do the dishes, get ready for work, coffee, and so on and so on. I love normal days, I love the structure and routine of it, I love how everything goes right. Some days around here are not so normal, those are the days where I loose a little of my happy. They are the hard days. Our youngest son has been having a really rough time since early spring, and we have been trying and working to figure out how we can best support him. He asks things like ‘what is wrong with me?’, ‘why can no one fix me?’, and then came the most terrifying statement of all…’I want to be dead, i just want to kill myself, then no one could bully me, and I wouldn’t get in trouble, and you guys wouldn’t be sad anymore.’ This is the statement that rocked my world and shook me to the core. How can this little 11 year old think this way? what is wrong with him? How can I help him? but most importantly, where did I go wrong? I have failed as a mother! I have days where I am so over the moon happy and content with my life and the paths that I/we have chosen to take, other days….not so much. On the hard days you are left wondering what this life is all about, what’s the point? is there even a point? On the hard days everything seems hard, just getting out of bed seems hard. Those are the days that I struggle to get to the end of, I paste on that fake smile and I tell myself life is AWESOME, and sometimes that actually works really well, but other times it makes the hard days even harder because you know just like everyone else does that you are being fake as fuck.
I will say I believe we have come to a point where the hard days are getting fewer and farther between. We have found some solutions, we have a team of professionals that have our back at every turn with our wee man, and we have each other. Hubby and I have become a stronger team than we have ever been. We have worked very hard on us, because giving up on us was not an option. We have had some bumps along the way, please do not think we are a perfect shiny happy couple, we are so not! We fight, we argue, we disagree, we give each other the silent treatment, we call each other names. We also say we are sorry, we hug and kiss goodnight, we make sure the other one knows we love them even when we don’t like them. We have come leaps and bounds from where we were. We have done this for ourselves and for our boys, because they deserve parents who love each other, they deserve to see healthy love, they deserve so much more than video games and toys. I am actually weirdly thankful for these hard days, I think they have taught me a lot about myself. In the process of this whole thing I have grown into a new person, i’m more enlightened and less disheartened by this. I have been blessed with some new really amazing people in my life, and I have also seen people in my life step into a new role of support for myself and my family. People I never even thought to ask for help.

So here I sit on a normal day like any other, enjoying my coffee, writing this blog and thinking about all the things I have to do this week. I’m also praying it continues to be a totally normal week with no hard days, because sometimes that’s all I can do to get me through the day.



Intentions & Goals…


I hope you’re all having a super stellar day today!  I have been trying to figure out for awhile what to write about and today I banged out 3 blog posts.  The words and feelings were just flowing today!!!

I’ve been reading this book off and on since June, it’s called The Desire Map by Danielle Laporte.  This book really fires up my soul, but it makes me really mad too which is why it’s taking me so long to read it LOL.  It makes me mad at myself, for thoughts I think and ways I feel about certain questions she has you ask yourself.  Tonight while I was reading a particular soul firing page I had some real crazy “aha’s” about me.  In the search to Find My Happy, Ive tried a lot of different things.  I’ve read a lot of books, I’ve paid to attend a lot of events, I’ve had private business coaching etc.  In one single page, this book smacked me right in the face and had a part of my brain saying “HELLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO are you getting it yet???”.

In the chapter about Intentions & Goals, Danielle writes this “…As you craft the life of your dreams, you will experience guilt.  It’s part of having a conscience; its the tension in “Creative tension.” … you’re going to feel guilty.  Breathe.  The guilt associated with following your heart is a weight you can bear if your desires are strong enough.  It’s the price of admission to fulfilment.  … Make Changes without criticizing the past – your future will thank you for it,”  The next page is all about goals that no longer serve you, and when to let go of them.  This entire page just hit me…I’ve been so focused on achieving someone else goal, I lost sight of my own goal.  I lost sight of my dreams, because other peoples dreams were clouding my mind.  Then came the moment I realized I was desperately trying to achieve someone else dream, and I kept going because I didn’t want to let them down.  I didn’t want them to be disappointed in me, I didn’t want the guilt that would come with that.  You know what I’ve realized though, they wouldn’t have been disappointed, because they are this group of really fucking amazing people.  They would have helped me achieve my dream, they would have added fuel to my fire, they would have built me up, not torn me down.

You know how people always ask you what you want to be when you grow up.  I am 34 years old and I am still not fully sure what I want to be when I grow up.  One thing I know for sure though, is that I love helping people feel good about themselves.  I love inspiring people to be the greatest version of themselves possible, but I also really love helping people see that they were already really amazing human beings to start.  Finding the good in everyone is one of my favourite things.  So now I am going to really go through the Desire Map again, and be real with myself and truly find what fires me up, because that right there, that sweet spot of passion, that is where I will find another piece of my happy.

If I can suggest any reading to any of you at all that resonate with any of my blog, start with Danielle LaPorte.  The very first book of hers that I read was The Fire Starter Sessions ( you can buy it online here), It was just as an amazing read as the Desire Map is becoming.

Remember, You’re an amazing soul