The Other Side…

Something quite strange happens inside of a woman the moment she realizes she is no longer in love with the man who broke her heart.  There’s this calm sadness that fills your belly…I don’t think it’s sadness over the end, or the relationship in general…I think it might be sadness over the feelings being gone.  You don’t have that desire for the other person anymore, you don’t feel that fire in your soul when you see them or hear their voice.  You don’t have a need to have them close to you anymore, so you feel empty and sad and you mourn those feelings dying inside you.  It’s also very liberating to wake up one morning and realize that you are going to be SOOOO ok… this truly was the best thing that could ever happen to you.  Then you laugh because a part of you feels sorry for the “other woman”, then you cry because you just hope he is happy, and then you smile again because YOU are happy.  You are content, and you are sooooo flipping excited for this brave new world you are going to face!

I will say there are still moments when I feel sad and when I cry, and when I get angry, but those feelings are over the betrayal, because the betrayal of being cheated on is literally the worst way someone can ruin your heart.  However, those moments come a lot less now…they really do, and that in itself is a liberating feeling.  To wake up and smile,  sigh and say “Universe…thank you for today, I’m so excited for what it’s going to bring me, and thank you for this challenging time because I am learning ALL of the lessons!!!!”

It’s incredible to really feel all of the feelings, and really dive into the lessons those feelings bring.  I didn’t think I would ever get to this place.  I thought for sure my heart was ruined forever, but it’s not.  My heart is a little bruised for sure, well maybe a lot bruised.  18 years of love is a whole lotta love to just let go of without a scratch.  But…bruises heal and scratches heal, and these wounds will allow me to be an amazing person.

I spend a lot more time living in the present and looking to the future now. The past is gone, there is no changing it, there is no more reliving moments over and over again.  I can’t keep having conversations in my head about what should have happened.  I have always truly believed that everything happens for a reason, and this is happening for some reason.  I have yet to learn the full reason, but I will one day.

I live in the moment with my children now, I see them, I hear them, and I feel all that they feel.  Perhaps one of the reasons is to make me a better mom.  To show my boys strength and determination, and fire in your soul.  To teach them how to love, like really love, with all your heart.  To be a guiding light for them on how to be the most amazing humans they can be.

I want to tell you that you will come out of this dark place, someday. Some will come out sooner than others.  Sometimes living in the darkness is what you need for a time, but please don’t unpack there.  Don’t sell yourself short.  Don’t let anyone tell you, you are less than the best.  You are worth far more than you have given yourself credit for.  Take some time and write yourself love notes.  Buy yourself flowers.  Take yourself out on a date.  Do the things YOU have always wanted to do.  Just live.  Breathe in the beauty and the peace around you, it’s everywhere if you just look for it.

Today I woke up on the “Other Side”, the bright side, the better side, the beautiful side.  Today I can take back MY life, and begin to live it..REALLY LIVE IT!  My life is my own now, and my path is my own now.  That’s such a beautiful statement write out.  This is my story.  A story I share with the world now, so that everyone can see the “other side”.




Life’s Little Lessons…

Someone asked me the other day what I have learned through this whole mess. Have I found myself? Have I really taken in the lessons that were brought to me? Have I learned anything yet?
I responded at first in anger with things like “yeah…I’ve learned to never trust anyone, love is just another 4 letter word that means jack shit, I’m actually an angry and bitter person, and life fucking sucks”. Then I slept on that question…and really thought about it…I have learned a lot. So the following are my lessons of love and marriage and life…
I have learned…
 ⁃ Your day to day actions are an extension of the love you have for your partner. Are you taking the right steps to show them?
 ⁃ asking for the things you need and want isn’t selfish, it doesn’t make you look weak, and no one will judge you if you need or want something if they really love you. It’s totally ok to let go and ask for help.
 ⁃ personal development books only work if you take action on what you’ve learned. 
 ⁃ I should have hired a cleaning lady years ago!!! Lol
 ⁃ You don’t have to wait for someone to ask for forgiveness to forgive them. Forgiveness can be truly selfish and for your own heart. It can be a process of letting go and healing. You don’t need permission to forgive someone.
 ⁃ not to take the most important people in my life for granted. They may not always be around, and we should treasure their existence every day.
 ⁃ embrace the things that drive you crazy. Those are the things that set us apart and make us unique. They may drive you crazy, but one day you may miss those crazy quirks.
 ⁃ compromise is ok. It’s ok to not get your own way all of the time. Bending on things for someone you love only shows how much you love them. 
 ⁃ show appreciation for everything!!!! Even when he puts the toilet seat down. Lol
 ⁃ always, ALWAYS speak what is in your heart and your mind. Do not keep things locked away and try to fix them on your own.
 ⁃ think before you react!!! Are you reacting with your emotions? Or are you reacting with your values, morals and beliefs?
 ⁃ Keep dreaming! Dream about the future, talk about the future, share what you see in your future.
 ⁃ when you break someone, fix them. Apologize, mean it, and learn from it.
 ⁃ listen….and when I say listen, I mean really hear them. Hear what they are saying, process it, and figure out how you can help them. What is your part in what they are saying they need or want?
 ⁃ put your phone down and LIVE!!!! Texts, emails and status updates can WAIT! Life is in front of you, go on adventures, walk, talk, learn and just live!
 ⁃ don’t go to bed upset. Speak your heart, let it out and move on.
 ⁃ always, always hug and kiss the ones you love. Every morning and every night.
 ⁃ learn from your mistakes instead of making them over and over and over again.
 ⁃ don’t let the honeymoon phase end, ever! Love notes, flowers, and little presents from the heart mean the world to the ones you love.
 ⁃ love yourself enough to love others.
 ⁃ never forget your worth, never forget your value, never loose yourself.  
I am positive there will be so many other lessons to come out of this. I am ready for all of them, and I will learn them and apply them to my new life. Whatever path I head down, I will head down it with a fire in my soul, and a whole lotta love in my heart. 

In the Quiet…

In the quiet stillness of the morning
I hear my soul
I see my dreams
I feel my power.

In the quiet stillness of the morning
I feel my heart beating
I hear my thoughts running
I see my energy

In the quiet stillness of the morning
I feel the air rushing through me
I see the light of the day
I hear my should whisper

In the quiet stillness of the morning
I can reflect on my life,
I can forgive myself for all the wrong doings,
I can be gentle with myself, I can just be.

In the quiet stillness of the morning
I can see my happy place
I can feel the wind in my hair
I can hear the gentle breeze blowing

In the quiet stillness of the morning
I am me
I am free
I am love.

When you feel like despair is taking over your heart and soul where do you go to quiet the noise? Close your eyes and go there now. See, hear and feel everything around you in your quiet, happy place. Stay there until you can feel the despair melting away from your heart, leaving your soul. Let your soul be filled with the warmth of this place you call home right now. Watch your heart become filled with light, let it get brighter and brighter as you watch it fill up. No throw your arms around yourself and just wrap yourself in the thoughts of being enough. you are enough, you are powerful, you are strong, and you will do all you are meant to do in this life. Your dreams are yours for the taking, your dreams will come true, your dreams are to be shared with the world. Hold the brightest light possible in your heart and let it radiate out to the world today, share your light with everyone you meet. Do not allow the darkness to envelope you, let the light push it out. Make sure it knows it is not welcome today, or any day from here on out. Your heart is filled with the light of love, abundance, gratitude, & forgiveness. Hold your light close to you and never let it go. Be the light…

Finding you…

Happy new week beautiful peeps!!!! I hope you’re all living your greatest days and being positive and happy!

I figured I would take a step away from dwelling in my madness of life and writing about the insanity of my situation to just really talk about YOU!  Yes, you!

How are you taking care of yourself right now? Are you making sure your cup is always full?  Are you looking and feeling your best?

On this journey of finding my happy, I have read so many amazing books and attended so many personal development courses.  They have all helped me in finding who I really am.  What I really like, and where I really want to be in my life.  I figured I could share just some of what I have learned, to help you find your happy!!

Lesson #1.  Love Yourself.

Whatever that means for you.  What do you daily to really show yourself that you love YOU?  For me it is putting on a nice outfit, slapping on some makeup, and just feeling good about me.  I have started taking 30 minutes per night to read, because I absolutely love to get lost in a good book.  A nice hot bath and a glass of wine is a MUST too.  Writing this blog has also become a way I show myself I really love myself.

Lesson #2.  Love your Tribe.

We all have that tight knit group of family and friends that have our backs no matter what the situation is.  Love on them, tell them you appreciate them, spend time with them.  Loving your tribe of peeps is good for your soul.

Lesson #3.  Take the Action steps to move forward.

You can talk a big talk and you can say all the things you’re going to do to live your best life, but if you don’t DO them you’re never getting anywhere in your life.  No matter what the action is, just do it.  I have been tasked by a coach I hired to just take action steps in 4 areas everyday.  Self, Business, Family, Home.  It is amazing how good a person can feel if they just take the steps in these 4 areas.  Grab a journal and write out how you are taking steps everyday.  Keep a log and look back on it at the end of the week.  It feels so great!

Lesson #4.  Be gentle and kind to yourself.

Cut out all of the negative bullshit from your vocabulary and your mind.  You need to find peace within yourself.  Tell yourself every day that you are amazing, you are good enough, and you are worth it.  The more positive we tell ourselves the less bullshit gets in.  Ain’t nobody got time for beating themselves up constantly.  You certainly don’t have time to let others put you down and make you feel less than either.  Others opinions of your character are only a reflection of the bad they see in themselves.  Come on over to the light side and love on yourself.

Lesson #5.  HAVE FUN!!!!!!

Please have fun in life! Laugh, go out, be around people, go on adventures…LIVE!  Laughter is the greatest medicine in the world and it is FREE people!!!  One minute of laughter, for me, cures 100 hours that I spent crying.  We need to stop dreaming of life while laying on the couch.  We have to go out and live it!  Step outside and soak up the sun and just do something FUN!

The last 4 months have, at times, felt like 4 years.  They have been exhausting, time and mind consuming, heartbreaking, earth shattering and downright sad.  These 5 lessons are making life just a little easier for me though.  I’ve always known these lessons, I’ve always had them inside of me.  I just had to find them, and start using them again.

Search your soul today for the things you need and want to be the best version of you there is.  This is your life!  It’s time to live it!