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Recalculating…

I was thinking the other day about how life resembles one big road trip.  The kind of road trip where the GPS keeps saying “Recalculating…Recalculating…”.  I have been veering off the ‘fastest route’ a lot.  I’ve had a few ‘aha’ moments, on this road trip, and I’ve had some moments of epic sadness and hurt, a bunch of laughs, and some ARRRGGHHHHHHH moments that have me wanting to rip my hair out.  I had one of my biggest aha moments yesterday after a pretty intense meditation session.  When you’re on a really unpredictable, long road trip and there are so many twists,  turns, and ‘recalculating’ moments, you’re going to loose people along the way.  Some of these people are very important, some were just there for a short time to help you navigate, and then there are the people who you truly thought would never, ever in a million years jump out of the car.  My ‘aha’ moment consisted of this thought:  even the people you thought were your ‘Ride or Die’s’ can get scared of the road less traveled.  They want to keep everyone in the car safe, including themselves.  They are terrified that if you keep ‘recalculating’ you’re going to get lost and never return, you might disappear and then they are left behind.  Then there are the times that you have to make the decision to kick them out of the car because they keep trying to get behind YOUR WHEEL. It’s human nature to want to stay safe and secure in what you know, and be stuck in the thick of rush hour traffic, simply because you know every single bit of that road.  It’s also human nature to protect yourself from those that are going against the status quo, by deflecting, blaming and shaming people.   It’s completely like road rage actually.  You’re behind your wheel and you’re freaking livid with the guy who just flew past you at mach 10.  You yell, you honk, you scream and shout.  You loose your ever loving mind, you swear, you flip the fucking bird and then you rant about it all day long.  Maybe it wasn’t the safest move for that other guy to make, maybe it wasn’t even legal, but what worked you up more about it?  The fact that he was ballsy enough to just go for it?  or the fact that you were left sitting in traffic, stuck, for another fucking hour.

Human’s have this habit of lashing out when people go against the norm, especially people that they felt were an important part of their life.  They speak negatively about them, they try to throw all kinds of shitty things at that person to bring them back into traffic, they justify unhappiness and say ‘this is just life’,  they try to scare the other person into staying stuck.  Here’s what I have to say to that, “I love you, but FUCK THAT!”.  This less traveled, side road is the most amazing road.  It’s like the back road that you find that has a beautiful little lake, completely untouched by humanity!  It has a little family run B & B that very few people come to anymore, because it’s way off the new main highway.  Sure it has a few dead ends, I hit some shitty potholes, I even came to a part of the road where a tree had fallen down and I  had to turn around and try again.  The fact is, every single solitary pothole, detour, and everything in between has led me to people and places that made me feel ALIVE & HAPPY.  I never would have found all the hidden treasures this earth had to offer me, if I had followed the ‘fastest route’.  I mean being totally honest, I always was a shitty follower….I don’t listen well to anything but my heart and soul.  I have always ‘felt’ my way through life, and that is one of my qualities that very few people understand, or even agree with.  I can take the middle fingers, and the swearing, and the yelling.  I can take it all, even from some of the most important people in my life, because I trust myself now.  Maybe I’ll get frustrated….maybe for a time I’ll head back to the highway to get my wits about me, and maybe I wont.  I would much rather fight my way through the muddiest, most pot hole filled, scary backroad, than be stuck in that shit traffic, and that is ok, because I am behind the wheel not anyone else.

So today, I’m hitting the road again.  Heading down a beautiful, smooth, paved section.  Tomorrow I might hit a washed out spot, a dead end, or some construction, but you know what…those are the experiences that will define my character, and my future.  Those are the experiences that will shape and mold me.  Those are the moments I will learn some of my greatest lessons from.  If the road was always fast & easy, we would miss all the beauty in between wouldn’t we?

Always sending love,

M xoxo