So my last blog post has gone pretty gang busters. I’ve had so much feedback, so much praise, so much thanks for it. I have also received some backlash too, and because of that, there was a moment I was actually considering taking it down. Some of the feedback was that it was too one sided, it didn’t really explain how cheaters feel and why they do what they do. It didn’t explain the other persons side of how the marriage broke down. So I took some time to really think about all of those opinions. To hear how people felt and to really digest their thoughts and feelings. Here’s something you need to know though, my ex was the first one to read it. He read it before it was even published, he told me to post it. Is he upset that our dirty laundry is aired for the world to see? maybe a little bit, but he understands this is my form of therapy. Writing brings me peace, in my head and in my heart. Being able to connect with people through my words is the most incredible feeling in the world. Hearing other peoples stories and telling them “You’re going to be ok”, is helping to heal my own heart. So at the end of the day I decided my post about The Other Woman will stay up, it will stay up because in the moment that I wrote it I was so blinded by anger and hurt and heartbreak, that I wrote from a raw place in my heart and soul that I wanted to share. It will stay up because there were more people who were grateful for that post than there were those who hated it. It will also stay up because it is me, and it is real, and it is filled with emotion and rage and sadness, and it is also filled with the thoughts and feelings of people who have been where I am.
It will stay up because it is the post that is going to be the lead in to a very amazing story. The story of my new journey through life, a story of loss, a story of letting go, the story of heartbreak, a story of forgiveness, and the story of truly finding my happy.
So let’s have a chat today about forgiveness. Let’s really dive into that word forgiveness…the dictionary meaning of the word forgiveness is this :
verb (used with object), forgave, forgiven, forgiving.
1. to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.
2. to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).
3. to grant pardon to (a person).
4. to cease to feel resentment against:
to forgive one’s enemies.
5. to cancel an indebtedness or liability of:
to forgive the interest owed on a loan.
verb (used without object), forgave, forgiven, forgiving.
6. to pardon an offense or an offender.
So that’s the technical meaning of the word forgiveness, but what does the word actually mean to you? For me the word means letting go, it means sending all the hurt inflicted on me by another person away. Why? because I can’t hold onto it anymore. Anger, hurt and sadness only festers in your heart, it makes it black and hard and cold.
I think when we choose to forgive those who have hurt us, we empower ourselves to be greater human beings. Holding on only keeps you stuck in your pain, it keeps you stuck in your anger, it keeps you stuck in that tornado shit storm. Do you really want to stay there? How does it make you feel when you relive the hurt over and over and over again? Not good at all. Forgiveness doesn’t have to mean forgetting either. I will hold onto the lessons from this, because I was meant to learn them. I will hold onto some of the feelings as a reminder of where I have come from. I will hold onto to some of the pain, because in a way the pain is going to make my new life really amazing. We can’t stuff our feelings and emotions, we have to make sure we feel everything and learn the lessons from the feelings.
When I get quiet with myself and really dig into how I feel and the thoughts I think I come back to forgiveness every time.
I forgive him, not because he asked me to, not because he deserves it, not even because I’ve been told to. I forgive him because I am letting go. I forgive him for making a serious error in judgement. I forgive him for being a human being that felt like it was his only option. I forgive him for everything. I forgive him, because I need to, my heart needs me to. I forgive him because I need to set myself free.
I also forgive myself, for not seeing the signs, for not being my best self, for all the mistakes I made in our relationship, for going crazy. I forgive myself for the horrible things I thought and said out loud about myself and about him. I forgive my head, my heart, and my soul for some choices we made together. They weren’t good choices at the time, but they brought about valuable lessons. I forgive myself and you should too.
Let go of the pain, the hurt, and the sadness. Breathe in peace, acceptance, hope and love. You’re surrounded by all of those things daily, you just need to see them and breathe them in.
No more looking back.