The Other Woman…

Going through a break up is hard…you feel bipolar at times.  You try and justify, you investigate and dig to find a reason, you make up stories in your head about where you went wrong.  You blame yourself and only yourself and say sorry a million times.  You beg for them to come back, you get really fucking angry and scream and tell them to go away forever.

Then you learn the truth…the truth that your gut was telling you all along, the truth that he lied over and over and over again.  You get stuck right in the middle of a rabbit hole and there’s no way up and there’s no way down and your world begins to spin out of control.  You did so much digging, you were lied to so many times, that you knew there had to be more, so you dig and dig just to find the answer you never wanted to find…There is another woman.

That single truth bomb hurts worse than the breakup, it hurts worse than the words “I just don’t love you anymore”, it cuts so deep that the scar of it will never ever fade.  It’s like a tattoo permanently etched on your heart.  I think this truth hurts the most because you feel like you never had a fucking chance in hell.  The Other Woman came in and gave him things you didn’t, that’s why she is The Other Woman.  Then comes the knowledge that she has no idea she is The Other Woman.  You want to hate her with every fibre of your being for breaking up your family, and stealing your man, and now you can’t.  Well maybe you can, I can’t.  My heart is not only broken for me, it is broken for her.  We were both lied to and deceived and sent down this fucking rabbit hole by the same man.  Then comes the kicker….He has to tell her the truth to her face…all the while you got nothing but lies and deceit and had to learn the truth on your own.  You find yourself hating her even more because she gets so much more from him than you did.

People have told me to stop asking him questions, stop digging for answers, ‘just stop, you’re only hurting yourself more and more’.  Maybe they are right, but for me I needed the whole fucking truth.  Every word of it.  Now that I have it, I’m not sure I’ll ever survive this rabbit hole.  It spins deeper and deeper out of control, and I have been second guessing my whole life the last week.

So I sit here today writing out this deep, hurting truth and baring my whole soul because people need to hear this story.  They need to hear my story, and I need to tell it.  People are going through what I am going through and they need to know their thoughts and feelings are ok, and justified, and they have to know it will get better…one day.  This is only my version of my story, so when I speak about men as cheaters, know that I mean all cheaters, and when I speak about the shitty friend, I mean human beings in general.  Take from my story what you will, but know that it is only my story, and I hope that it can help just one person in this world.

Men, we need to have a chat about this cheating thing.  Let me tell you something right now, the grass isn’t greener, it just looks greener.  You need to water your own damn lawn guys!!! If your wife isn’t giving you something you need, use your voice and fucking tell her.  If you need to go back to marriage counselling, GO!  If she’s not listening then tell her in a different way, change your tone, change your words, change something!!!  Above all else, ask her what she needs too.  It’s not all about you, perhaps you aren’t getting what you need because she isn’t getting what she needs.  Don’t tell the Other Woman all the things your wife never gave you….what the fuck does she care?  She doesn’t!  She cares about herself, her problems, her baggage…not your wife’s.  If you’re going to go ahead and act on the ultimate betrayal of cheating you fucking tell The Other Woman, you give her the option to decide if she is also a shitty human being without a heart, or if you have to bugger off and get back to your wife, or even just get your own life together first.  When you take the choice away from someone to make their own good or bad decision, that is a super shitty thing to do.  You have just stolen someone else’s power.  The power to use their conscious, the power of decision, the power of love and compassion.  One more thing…this thing you think is “LOVE” with The Other Woman, it’s not.  It’s excitement, it’s lust, it’s passion, it’s curiosity, its not the same old boring mundane love you’ve had, it’s someone fresh who doesn’t even know all your quirks, and idiosyncrasies, and annoying habits.  I’m willing to bet she doesn’t even think you poop or fart.  (Yeah I said it!)  It is not LOVE.  Maybe it could be…one day, but right now that is not what it is.  1, 2, 3, maybe even 10 years from now, you will be sitting in the exact same position, repeating the same shitty cycle with The Other Woman, and then along comes ANOTHER WOMAN.  One who offers more excitement, more of what SHE couldn’t and more passion.

Let’s also talk about the douchbag of a friend who only asks “Are you sure about this? You sure you know what you’re doing?”  NO GUYS! NO!!! What kind of friend are you?  Can we all agree that this macho “I don’t wanna say what I’m really thinking, and feeling.  Feelings are for girls” Bullshit needs to stop!  We were created with thoughts, feelings, emotions, morals and values for a REASON! To fucking USE them!!!!  You stand up and you say to your friend “THIS AIN’T RIGHT!”  “Who are you right now!?” “You tell that OTHER WOMAN you are still married” “You go home and leave your wife first” “Stop looking for greener grass”.  That is what real friends do, that is what heart centered human beings do.  That is what people with compassion, and empathy, and a goddamn heart do!  If you are also unhappy in your own marriage DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!! Stop being a douchbag, stop looking for greener grass, stop encouraging bad decisions, JUST STOP IT!

Ok Other Woman, I’m coming for you next.  Here’s the deal ladies, if you are away on a vacation in a tropical, romantic destination and you meet some super hunk that seems to be sweeping you off your feet, settle your lady parts down for a minute and use your freaking head.  Do you know this stranger?  Do you believe this stranger? Are you sure?  Why in the world are you jumping into bed with someone on vacation when you have no idea who they are?  Call me crazy, and maybe it’s because I have been in a relationship since I was 17, but this shit is just weird.  What are we thinking ladies?  Is our self esteem, and our self love, and our compassion for our own soul so damaged that we are finding a reason for this to be “love at first sight”?  Or maybe we are just so broken that we are hoping every guy out there is the one to fix it.  Nope, nope he’s not.  You and you alone are the only one who can fix your heart, your soul, and your thoughts.  Let’s stop relying on a man to fix what someone else broke.  Stand up, be strong, know your worth, do the work on yourself and then go searching with a clear head and heart for Mr. Right.  Also, you need to know that even though we feel sorry for you that you were also lied to, we still fucking hate you.  It’s going to take a long ass time to get over this pain, and you will always be “the one” who helped contribute to the deepest heart break we’ve ever had.

To the woman who has been left “holding the bag”, standing in the dust of this epic shit storm,  mind reeling from the lies and the sadness, and the heartbreak and the devastation, this is where WE get to decide our happy ending.  Even though we are left standing here alone we get to pick up the pen and write what happens next.  It’s ok to decide that you would take your man back with open arms if you so choose, and it’s ok to decide that you will never let him back in ever again.  It’s also ok to have zero freaking idea what you want at all right now.  Here is one thing I will tell you though, this wasn’t your fault.  You can take no blame in someone else’s super shitty decision, because you were never given a chance in hell to make it better.  You weren’t given the option to fix what you had broken, you weren’t asked if you could make it work, you were never even a consideration.  You were left behind in that moment and the decision had been made long before you could have done anything.  Do not should all over yourself.  I’ve done it for weeks now.  Don’t listen to them when they say “if you had only told me this, or only done this, this never would have happened”, they are liars.  They are justifying their actions, by making this all your fault.  It’s not our fault, it never was and it never will be.

Some days will be hard, god, yesterday alone I sat on my couch all day and cried and ate ice cream, you know why, cause it felt good at the time.  I looked pathetic, I looked lost, I looked lonely, and I was very much all of those things, but today….oh today I am writing this blog, I am giving myself a whole lotta self love, and I am being kind to my heart.  Tomorrow might still be a great day, but come the weekend I may be a puddle again…it’s an uphill battle when you are going through a breakup, but it’s a battle that makes us stronger, and makes our heart more open, and helps us see the kind of future we wish to create for ourselves.  Today is new day, today is a better day, today is here and tomorrow is not.  I will not worry about what tomorrow brings TODAY!



The end is only the beginning…

It’s been a very long time since I have written anything on this blog.  It’s been a long time because my happy was stolen right out from underneath me.  I was blindsided with a cut so deep I just couldn’t stop the bleeding.  It’s taken a long time to be able to write anything about this part of my life because I had no idea how to say the words out to the world.  I think I really wanted it to be a horrible nightmare, one that I would wake up from and it would all be over.  It’s not a nightmare though,  it’s real life, and it’s happening.

I’ve spoken before on my blog about the love of my life, my main squeeze, and my lover for the past 18 years.  The person who stole my heart when I was only 17 year old.  The one person who has stood beside me through every up and every down. My best friend, and sometimes my greatest enemy.  The father of my beautiful boys.  The man who is no longer in love with me,  the man who doesn’t look at me the way I look at him, the man who is leaving me to go find his happy.  Yup that’s what rocked my entire world 2 months ago….

It’s a really humbling and devastating experience to be told you just aren’t the one that’s right anymore.  You’ve done so much and hurt so much that it’s not fixable.  There’s no taking it back, there’s no begging (Oh yes I have begged…pathetic right?), there is no apology that will do, and there is no changing anymore.  Nothing you do can change their mind and make them stay.

You sit and you think about everything you should have done different, everything you should have done for them and you didn’t.  You put yourself down, you really beat yourself up about all the shit you put the other person through.  Here’s what I realized though, he put me through shit at times too, he was never perfect, he had so much growing still to do.  We were not perfect humans, or perfect partners, but through our 18 years we were perfect for each other.  We just aren’t anymore.  There has been growing in some areas and those areas have moved us further apart, they made our differences much more apparent.  Some say opposites attract, some say opposites will never work.  Who’s to say who’s right or wrong about that.

To look at us most would think we were a strange match, and complete opposites.  I see it,  I always did.  He was the Ying to my Yang, the Black to my White, the Dark to my Light.  People thought we were a weird match.  All I know is I still miss our weird love.   I also see though that it wasn’t great for either of us at the end.  It wasn’t really great because neither of us were fully willing to compromise in certain areas, and we began to resent the other for trying to make us change who we were.  I think there are so many things about him that I will forever miss, he has been my one and only for half my life.  It’s not an easy thing to let half of your life and half of your person walk right out the door without looking back.  My heart is still really shattered, I don’t think I have ever endured a pain this intense.  It has made it really hard to breath some days.  Some days I have no idea how I am ever going to do this, and other days I get all feminist and think FUCK YA! I’LL SHOW YOU ASSHOLE!!! (he’s not really an asshole, but somedays I call him that cause swearing and name calling makes me feel better)

At the end of the day I had to sit down and realize that there were a lot of areas I fucked up in.  There are a lot of lessons that can come out of this separation though and If I can share just a fraction of them so that your marriage doesn’t end like mine then that’s what I am going to do. (Always seeing the bright side still, even in the middle of my greatest shit storm….you’re welcome! lol)

Tip #1: Don’t ever stop dating each other.  Go out and do things, a quiet dinner without your kids, a concert, a movie, just a simple drive to talk.  A walk on the beach.  Anything that gives you and your partner each others undivided attention is perfect.

Tip #2: Jogging pants are NOT sexy.  Remember when you used to dress up all the time to go out, or see each other?  Keep doing that.  Throwing on your joggers once you get home is something we all like to do, but let your partner still see that sexy side of you.  Do your hair and makeup on a Saturday and put on your nice clothes even if the only thing you are doing is going grocery shopping.. It shows you still have your own amazing confidence and you still very much love yourself.

Tip #3:  Don’t stop loving yourself.  This to me is the MOST IMPORTANT tip!!!!  I didn’t love myself for a very long time, and no one else can truly love me if I don’t love and respect myself!  Remember who you are always, don’t ever stop being who you are to make your partner happy.  You stay amazingly you and they will love every bit of your craziness.

Tip #4:  Don’t roll your eyes at their feelings, thoughts, or opinions.    This says to your partner  “I don’t really give a shit what you’re saying right now.  Your opinion means nothing and I think it’s stupid”.  That behaviour wears a person down and they begin to shut down completely.  When you see a shut down happening it is truly terrifying.

Tip #5:  Please keep trying.  Don’t give up on each other EVER.  Marriage is work, it truly is, and you can either give up and walk away or you can do the work TOGETHER.  When one partner decides it just isn’t worth the work that’s when the problems creep in.  Marriage is not one sided, it is dual effort, team work.  Don’t ever forget that!

Tip #6:  You don’t have to love all of them.  Remember that there will be things about your partner that drive you nuts, like his snoring, or how he nags about clothes on the floor, or that weird noise he makes when he’s eating.  Just remember the things you adore about your partner, and know that there are things you do that he finds less than endearing too.

Tip #7:  TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING!  Do not hold back your thoughts and feelings.  This goes for any relationship in your life.  Family, friends, marriage.  Be honest and open with everyone.  If something hurts you, tell them.  If something they do makes you feel proud, tell them.  If you just need a hug cause you’re having a rough day, tell someone.

So let’s just get real for a minute here and talk about how all of these tips may not help you at all, you’re marriage is already over and there’s no going back.  You are sitting in the middle of a shit storm just like I am now.  Here’s whats going to happen, you’re going to go through the 7 stages of grief.  Here’s my tip for that:

When you start going through the 7 stages of grief just let it happen.  Let it all happen, it’s going to anyways and you will have no control over it.  Here are the 7 stages:

  • Shock or Disbelief
  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Guilt
  • Depression
  • Acceptance and Hope

The first 6 happen over and over and over again…..I’ve gone through 1 through 6 about 100 times in 2 months…and I’ll probably go through them all again 100 more.  The light at the end of the tunnel is #7…it’s coming, I know it is.

The one thing to remember and always tell yourself everyday is YOU ARE GOING TO BE OK!  You really are, and so am I.  I am going to be ok, because I set out on a journey a long time ago to find my happy, and this is just a bump in that road.  I believe this may be the exact bump that will set me on a crash course with my greatest desire, my higher purpose, and my happiest of happy’s. So even though tonight I hit that stage of anger again I know that tomorrow, or next week, or even a month from now I will finally get to acceptance and hope and that my friends is where the magic will happen.




Hard Truths…

Do you have some hard truths?  You know the things that you don’t ever want some people to know about you?  The things that you hide from others, the things you aren’t at all proud of? The fears inside your head that you think,  ‘my god if I tell anyone about this they would think I am batshit crazy!!!’.  I am learning that I have a lot of these.  I have a lot of little Meaghan-isms that definitely make me who I am, but a few I’m not proud of, a few I’m embarrassed about, and a few I just don’t talk about–to myself or others because if I pretend they aren’t there, then they aren’t! right?

As I am on this journey of “Finding My Happy”, I am finding the last 2 weeks very difficult.  I have been pushing myself to get away from these things and my ego is pushing me back to safety.  She doesn’t want change, because change can be scary, and embarrassing, and change changes everything!!!!!  She’s petrified of the big, bold places I wanna go, and she does NOT WANT TO FAIL.  So here is one of my hard truths…..I have never finished anything I have started, except for giving birth to my 2 beautiful boys, let’s be honest though…I had no choice in finishing that project! lol  I make beautiful to do lists, they are gorgeous, seriously.  Pretty colour pens, and very organized and neat, categorized even….and then they sit on the counter collecting dust and I look at them with contempt because I completed nothing.  So now I am being gentle with myself, I put 1 item on my to do list for the day and I complete it so I can cross it out.  Once I cross it out, I add a new project to the list.  Sometimes its as simple as “Eat lunch”, because I need to remind myself to do that!

Here comes my biggest and hardest to write about…when I was 12 years old I started smoking….I quickly went from 1 cigarette/day to a pack a day.  I am 34 years old and I smoke a half a pack/day.  I have tried to quit 11 times in the past 22 years.  I have done hypnosis, I have tried the patch, I have tried the gum, I did laser, I tried to sleep for 3 days, I drank my body weight in water, I read Allen Carr’s book, I’ve used natural pills, I have done cold turkey 3 times, and I have tried every single doctor prescribed medication there is.  I am still smoking, and I am still smoking, because I am scared not to.  How fucked up does that sound?  I have a very supportive family, they go from being gentle and supportive, to being in my face downright mean, sending me “Here’s a picture of someone’s lung who died from smoking” texts, and begging me just to stop.  My husband has even told me he would leave me if I continued.  I get it, they are angry.  Every time I step outside they see 5 more minutes I am taking away from them, and possibly 5 more years in our lives together.  I get it I really do, but they just don’t get me, and where I am at with it.  I’m still smoking.  I’m still smoking because I’m scared to quit….I’m scared to give up the one crutch that I fall to when I am sad, angry, nervous, grumpy, bored…drunk, excited…OK, OK I just smoke all the time.  I hide this truth from a lot of people.  I fear the judgement it will bring if certain people in my life know that I smoke.  So that’s messed up…..I want to smoke, but I don’t want people to know I smoke….so why do i still smoke?????? Good LAWWWDDDDDD

So here I sit staring down at a list of everything I want to finish, let go, and fix up just a bit about myself…Taking my own advice I am moving just one thing over to the list.  That one thing will be quitting smoking.  I’m looking at my very last pack of cigarettes, and my to do list with only the one job on it….’Get rid of these Cancer sticks forever’ and I am asking for help from my friends and family.  For the first time I am asking for help, hold me accountable, ask me how I am doing, please excuse me if I’m bitchy….actaully call me out if I’m bitchy!!!  most of all just remind me what I am gaining instead of loosing.  I am gaining my lung health back,  my risk of a stroke or heart attack will be lower,  my skin will glow again, I will taste food again, and I will make myself and my family proud.




New Year…New Me….No thank you!


I’m sitting in my kitchen, drinking coffee and reflecting on 2015.  All the bumps, the lessons, the triumphs, the downs, the hard times, and the good times.  I recently joined this soul firing mentor group to really blast into 2016 and make shit happen in my life (check it out here!).  2 weeks ago we were asked to sit down and write out everything we accomplished in 2015, even if it was something we thought was maybe not really an accomplishment.  So I stared at the paper for a while thinking, ‘2015 was  such a shit year, I don’t think I’ll have much to write.’….and then it just started flowing….3 pages worth of gratitude, accomplishments, and lessons from 2015.  I was stunned, I think I may still actually be stunned because I kept telling myself that this year was “Hard”,  it was “rough”,  “I wasn’t sad to see it go”.   After that exercise I am letting 2015 go full of gratitude for the lessons it brought me.  This year made me a stronger woman, a better mother, a more present wife.  It also helped me to learn how to shine my light and where to shine it the brightest.  This year was the beginning of finding my happy that at first I didn’t even know I was missing.  This year has brought me patience, understanding, gentleness, and a fierce love for everyone and everything I have.

I am not jumping into 2016 with radical resolutions that I will only beat myself up for not accomplishing, I am not writing out all the things I want to “change” about myself,   and I am not heading into 2016 thinking I need to be brand new, and different. I am heading into 2016 as the me that was made in 2015, I am heading in with a fresh and clear mind about where I am headed and what I am doing.  I am heading in stronger and smarter than I was last year.  I will never say again that 2015 was “hard, or shitty, or rough”.  2015 was the year that shaped me into who I am today, and I am damn proud of how far I have come.

I would really encourage all of you to sit down at some point today and write out everything that happened to you this year, good, bad or otherwise.  Find a lesson or a strength that you took away from the hard stuff, and then be so grateful for it!  There is no need to make declarations of grandiose change in yourself!  Keep being who you are, just plan to keep growing.  Always grow yourself and continue learning everyday.  We don’t stop learning when we leave school, every minute of every day holds some sort of lesson.  We can either choose to acknowledge it and learn, or we can choose to ignore it.  When we ignore the lesson it continues to happen until we learn.  Be ok with knowing you need to grow more, whether it’s mentally or emotionally, or even physically.  Make your New Year’s resolution easy for yourself, declare to yourself that you resolve to be the best version of yourself this year.  Tell yourself that no matter what you will be proud of yourself, that you will take all the lessons of this year and acknowledge them.  Tell yourself that you don’t need to be this “Brand new, better person”  YOU ARE ALREADY FUCKING AMAZING, you just have new lessons to learn this year.  Be open to the lessons, be open to the change, be open to letting it happen.  Most of all, remember to keep being the light.  Shine brighter than the sun today, tomorrow, and always!.

Happy New Year’s Beauties



A Normal Day….Is there such thing?

Today is just a normal day like any other. Wake up, coffee, coffee, dogs out, coffee……..zzzzzzz……more coffee, breakfast and lunches for the kids, dogs breakfast, do the dishes, get ready for work, coffee, and so on and so on. I love normal days, I love the structure and routine of it, I love how everything goes right. Some days around here are not so normal, those are the days where I loose a little of my happy. They are the hard days. Our youngest son has been having a really rough time since early spring, and we have been trying and working to figure out how we can best support him. He asks things like ‘what is wrong with me?’, ‘why can no one fix me?’, and then came the most terrifying statement of all…’I want to be dead, i just want to kill myself, then no one could bully me, and I wouldn’t get in trouble, and you guys wouldn’t be sad anymore.’ This is the statement that rocked my world and shook me to the core. How can this little 11 year old think this way? what is wrong with him? How can I help him? but most importantly, where did I go wrong? I have failed as a mother! I have days where I am so over the moon happy and content with my life and the paths that I/we have chosen to take, other days….not so much. On the hard days you are left wondering what this life is all about, what’s the point? is there even a point? On the hard days everything seems hard, just getting out of bed seems hard. Those are the days that I struggle to get to the end of, I paste on that fake smile and I tell myself life is AWESOME, and sometimes that actually works really well, but other times it makes the hard days even harder because you know just like everyone else does that you are being fake as fuck.
I will say I believe we have come to a point where the hard days are getting fewer and farther between. We have found some solutions, we have a team of professionals that have our back at every turn with our wee man, and we have each other. Hubby and I have become a stronger team than we have ever been. We have worked very hard on us, because giving up on us was not an option. We have had some bumps along the way, please do not think we are a perfect shiny happy couple, we are so not! We fight, we argue, we disagree, we give each other the silent treatment, we call each other names. We also say we are sorry, we hug and kiss goodnight, we make sure the other one knows we love them even when we don’t like them. We have come leaps and bounds from where we were. We have done this for ourselves and for our boys, because they deserve parents who love each other, they deserve to see healthy love, they deserve so much more than video games and toys. I am actually weirdly thankful for these hard days, I think they have taught me a lot about myself. In the process of this whole thing I have grown into a new person, i’m more enlightened and less disheartened by this. I have been blessed with some new really amazing people in my life, and I have also seen people in my life step into a new role of support for myself and my family. People I never even thought to ask for help.

So here I sit on a normal day like any other, enjoying my coffee, writing this blog and thinking about all the things I have to do this week. I’m also praying it continues to be a totally normal week with no hard days, because sometimes that’s all I can do to get me through the day.



Intentions & Goals…


I hope you’re all having a super stellar day today!  I have been trying to figure out for awhile what to write about and today I banged out 3 blog posts.  The words and feelings were just flowing today!!!

I’ve been reading this book off and on since June, it’s called The Desire Map by Danielle Laporte.  This book really fires up my soul, but it makes me really mad too which is why it’s taking me so long to read it LOL.  It makes me mad at myself, for thoughts I think and ways I feel about certain questions she has you ask yourself.  Tonight while I was reading a particular soul firing page I had some real crazy “aha’s” about me.  In the search to Find My Happy, Ive tried a lot of different things.  I’ve read a lot of books, I’ve paid to attend a lot of events, I’ve had private business coaching etc.  In one single page, this book smacked me right in the face and had a part of my brain saying “HELLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO are you getting it yet???”.

In the chapter about Intentions & Goals, Danielle writes this “…As you craft the life of your dreams, you will experience guilt.  It’s part of having a conscience; its the tension in “Creative tension.” … you’re going to feel guilty.  Breathe.  The guilt associated with following your heart is a weight you can bear if your desires are strong enough.  It’s the price of admission to fulfilment.  … Make Changes without criticizing the past – your future will thank you for it,”  The next page is all about goals that no longer serve you, and when to let go of them.  This entire page just hit me…I’ve been so focused on achieving someone else goal, I lost sight of my own goal.  I lost sight of my dreams, because other peoples dreams were clouding my mind.  Then came the moment I realized I was desperately trying to achieve someone else dream, and I kept going because I didn’t want to let them down.  I didn’t want them to be disappointed in me, I didn’t want the guilt that would come with that.  You know what I’ve realized though, they wouldn’t have been disappointed, because they are this group of really fucking amazing people.  They would have helped me achieve my dream, they would have added fuel to my fire, they would have built me up, not torn me down.

You know how people always ask you what you want to be when you grow up.  I am 34 years old and I am still not fully sure what I want to be when I grow up.  One thing I know for sure though, is that I love helping people feel good about themselves.  I love inspiring people to be the greatest version of themselves possible, but I also really love helping people see that they were already really amazing human beings to start.  Finding the good in everyone is one of my favourite things.  So now I am going to really go through the Desire Map again, and be real with myself and truly find what fires me up, because that right there, that sweet spot of passion, that is where I will find another piece of my happy.

If I can suggest any reading to any of you at all that resonate with any of my blog, start with Danielle LaPorte.  The very first book of hers that I read was The Fire Starter Sessions ( you can buy it online here), It was just as an amazing read as the Desire Map is becoming.

Remember, You’re an amazing soul



Finding My Happy

I’ve always been a crazy, annoying, happy girl, bubbly, positive, silver lining, bright side girl.  Sometimes I am a really great faker, sometimes I am so sad, so hurt, so mad, and I stuff it all away and hide it behind a brilliant smile.  I recently took a 1 week vacation away with the love of my life and our 2 incredible friends.  It was a simple Mexico getaway, not something crazy and life changing like climbing Kilimanjaro, lol, but it changed me.  It changed me in ways I never thought a simple vacation could.  I was able to have so much time to think and reflect.  I was able to look at my life and the direction I was headed and make some adjustments.  I was able to be brutally honest with myself, even when It hurt.  I was able to find my happy.

I look over to the left of this blog and I see this description “Isagenix Consultant, Mother, Wife, Entrepreneur”, and I’m wondering why did I only use these words to define me?  I am these things, but I am so much more.  I am a mother first, to 2 incredible boys who try my patience everyday and seconds later have me in stitches laughing.  I am a wife second, to this incredibly wonderful man that swept me off my feet when I was only 17.  We have had some rocky rough times, but at the age of 34 I can say without a doubt that I love him more today than I did 16 years ago!  Thirdly, I am an entrepreneur.  I have been a hairstylist for 16 years and now operate a salon out of my home.  Working for myself is so gratifying, I make my own hours, I take holidays when I want to, and I am present always for my children when they need me.  Lastly, I am partnered with Isagenix.  A health and wellness network marketing company.  I think this company has had a very profound effect on me.  I started out only wanting to use the Isagenix 30 day system because I was fat, unhealthy and feeling generally gross.  What I got was so much more than that.  I kind of tip toed into the idea of Network Marketing because it intrigued me, but it also scared me, mostly because there are so many misconceptions about this business platform.  I fully enjoyed receiving monetary reimbursements for sharing these products with my family and friends. At first my monthly order was free, and then it grew to my order being free and my hydro bill being paid and I thought that was really cool.  As an entrepreneur I can take vacation whenever I want to like I said, but I don’t get paid to do so.  Having a side income truly allows me to take vacation WHENEVER I WANT!  Here’s what else I took away from this company though,  PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT.  I began to find my happy while I found my body.  I began to meet these incredible people, people who challenged me, people who changed me, and people who embraced me and liked me just the way I was.  I started learning how to have a voice, I learned that I was enough.  I began learning what it was I truly want from this life, I began learning it was ok to want more, and I began to learn that I could shape my future and my families future just by helping everyone around me.

I have been growing and changing and learning for 3 years now and everyday something new gives me goosebumps.  What I learned while I was away in Mexico was that is ok to be perfectly imperfect.  It’s ok that I have a potty mouth, seriously….I love the F word.  It handles every single solitary emotion that I feel on an hourly basis lol  It’s ok that I am horribly unorganized, i’m a friggin hot mess ALL THE TIME.  I don’t know if I’m coming or going most of the time lol.  It’s ok that I am a horrible house wife who procrastinates cleaning for watching the Food Network instead (I get roped in by Chopped everyday at least 3 times a day!).  It’s ok that I love hockey and baseball, with a passion, I yell and swear (obviously, please refer up to the potty mouth part of this blog!) and scream at the players like they can hear me lol I drink too much beer when the game gets really amazing, and my husband laughs and leaves the room because he hates sports.  Sometimes he even kicks me out of the house when there is a particularly AMAZING GAME ON TV!!!!!! (IE.  ALDS GAME 5….GO JAYS GO!!!!).  I love to dance like no one is watching, even when everyone is watching…..I just loose myself in music and I feel like me….it’s one place I find my happy every time.  Music soothes my soul and speaks to me! It is also absolutely ok to not give one single solitary fuck about what anyone thinks about me.  I don’t know why this ruled my life for so long….I don’t know why I worried about people talking behind my back.  I don’t know why I cared so much about the opinions of others.  My opinion of me matters, and my husbands opinion matters.  I have 2 children who I need to teach this to….How can I raise these boys to be confident and independent and strong when I am none of those things?  How can I pretend to be someone I am not, while teaching them to “be themselves”?.  I can’t, and that is why it is ok that I am not PERFECT! It is OK that I have faults.  It’s ok that you do too.  Embrace your faults, embrace the good and the bad about yourself.  Learn from it, try to grow from it, but don’t you dare ever try and be someone you are NOT.  That is NOT OK!! That is what I learned from myself, it is ok to be ME.

This blog now serves as a place for me to be me and share all things about Finding my happy at the age of 34.  Mostly it’s turning into that because I really need to stop posting long winded, short stories as my Facebook status’ lol.  #SorryNotSorryFacebookWorld.  So enjoy and remember:  You are AWESOME just the way you are!  Embrace those faults and those attributes baby. xoxo

Vision, clarity, freedom

So today I am stuck in bed because I hurt my knee and can’t walk. As I’m stuck in bed reading, learning, networking, and growing I started thinking about visions, mission statements and goal creating. I have a very clear vision in my head of the people I want to work with, what I want for people and I have the what and the how to achieve it, but I thought I should really write it out!!! So today I share with you the Dream Team job description, & vision!!!!
My vision is to join hands with individuals who can see outside the box, those who don’t fear different. People who’s dreams are HUGE, and those who know the WILL reach them! This team of champions will posses a positive attitude, they will take the lead, and motivate others to do the same. These people will have unwavering belief in themselves and our cause! People who are capable of weathering any storm and any obstacle. Finally these visionaries of a brighter future shall be FUN!!! They will know how to live a life of their dreams and be willing to do the work needed to achieve it!
Personalities/Qualities required:
-no fear
-dreamers (BIG ONES)
-positive attitude
-unwavering belief
-inner strength
We want to challenge you to think outside the traditional box. Forget what you have been taught about the cycle of post-secondary education, debt, debt, 9-5 grind, overtime, overtime, living for Friday & dreading Monday. There is more to life, and there is something bigger. We have a vision to free people from the vicious work cycle. We want to show you a way to reach the dreams you never thought were possible. We want to show you how to NEVER stop dreaming and achieving. Finally we want to assist you in freeing yourself from the pain of stress, debt, physical burdens & living someone else’s dream. The time is now to take charge of YOUR LIFE, and your health! There is something so much bigger than the work, eat, sleep, repeat cycle.
Email me today if this is you and something you can stand behind!!!


Dream Team Moments

This past week brought so much celebration to my Dream Team, rank advancements and bonuses coming out the ying yang.  I had the opportunity to be with most of my Dream Team this past Saturday at an event in Toronto.  My Dream Team just makes my heart happy.  I love hanging out with this group of ragamuffins, they are some of the coolest, fun loving people I have in my life.  I am one blessed girl to have come across every single one of them.  They touch my life everyday.  I wanted to share a few photos from our amazing day on Saturday.







So almost 3 weeks ago I started this outrageous project. I started with a huge goal that I wanted to reach at the end, like a light at the end of a tunnel, or a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. All of the sudden life happened and I became overwhelmed with everything and gave up on my outrageous project. Today I revisited my project, all the notes I wrote about it, and the vision I had, the awesome pot of gold at the end of that ridiculous rainbow. I realized that life is always going to happen, kids get sick, arguments happen with your spouse, & some days you just feel off but you can’t just give up on your dreams because of these things….that is silly and ends up leading you down a path of unhappiness. One of the most influential women in my life told me not long ago that sometimes #SuccessIsChaos, she was right 🙂 So today I sat in front of my notes and decided I had to show myself WHY this project struck my heart in the first place, and WHY I needed to get back to work.
I thought I would share the vision of my project I am working on. Hey, if it’s on the internet for the world to see then I have to be accountable right?!
I have a vision, a dream and a driven passion to free young families from the burden of working themselves to the bone in a job that they have zero passion for. I want to show them there is more to life than work, eat, sleep, repeat. Wouldn’t you like to make it to your child’s kindergarten graduation? How about being present when your tiny toddler takes his or her very first steps, instead of watching it on a video sent by your babysitter after you get home from work? Family vacations don’t have to be put on the back burner because ‘it’s not a good time’ or ‘work is just too busy’.
There is something that is just so much bigger and better than work, eat, sleep, repeat. There is a way to enjoy time freedom, financial freedom, and live your life the way YOU choose.
Today is the day that I take a stand and begin to live my vision, I will no longer work, eat, sleep, repeat. I will build my empire, while watching my children play, grow and enjoy the life of their dreams. I will show them how to dream as big as they can and then I will show them how to achieve every single one of their dreams.
If any of this resonates with you in any way, shape, or form then maybe you should email me and we should be friends. Seriously, you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with and spending time with people who share the same giant vision as me would be AWESOME!!! Imagine the lives we could change and the places we could travel?! That would be a kick ass life. So seriously, don’t be shy, I don’t bite, email me and let’s be friends! 🙂

Mother, Entrepreneur, World Changer, Lover, Tree Hugging Hippie