Something quite strange happens inside of a woman the moment she realizes she is no longer in love with the man who broke her heart. There’s this calm sadness that fills your belly…I don’t think it’s sadness over the end, or the relationship in general…I think it might be sadness over the feelings being gone. You don’t have that desire for the other person anymore, you don’t feel that fire in your soul when you see them or hear their voice. You don’t have a need to have them close to you anymore, so you feel empty and sad and you mourn those feelings dying inside you. It’s also very liberating to wake up one morning and realize that you are going to be SOOOO ok… this truly was the best thing that could ever happen to you. Then you laugh because a part of you feels sorry for the “other woman”, then you cry because you just hope he is happy, and then you smile again because YOU are happy. You are content, and you are sooooo flipping excited for this brave new world you are going to face!
I will say there are still moments when I feel sad and when I cry, and when I get angry, but those feelings are over the betrayal, because the betrayal of being cheated on is literally the worst way someone can ruin your heart. However, those moments come a lot less now…they really do, and that in itself is a liberating feeling. To wake up and smile, sigh and say “Universe…thank you for today, I’m so excited for what it’s going to bring me, and thank you for this challenging time because I am learning ALL of the lessons!!!!”
It’s incredible to really feel all of the feelings, and really dive into the lessons those feelings bring. I didn’t think I would ever get to this place. I thought for sure my heart was ruined forever, but it’s not. My heart is a little bruised for sure, well maybe a lot bruised. 18 years of love is a whole lotta love to just let go of without a scratch. But…bruises heal and scratches heal, and these wounds will allow me to be an amazing person.
I spend a lot more time living in the present and looking to the future now. The past is gone, there is no changing it, there is no more reliving moments over and over again. I can’t keep having conversations in my head about what should have happened. I have always truly believed that everything happens for a reason, and this is happening for some reason. I have yet to learn the full reason, but I will one day.
I live in the moment with my children now, I see them, I hear them, and I feel all that they feel. Perhaps one of the reasons is to make me a better mom. To show my boys strength and determination, and fire in your soul. To teach them how to love, like really love, with all your heart. To be a guiding light for them on how to be the most amazing humans they can be.
I want to tell you that you will come out of this dark place, someday. Some will come out sooner than others. Sometimes living in the darkness is what you need for a time, but please don’t unpack there. Don’t sell yourself short. Don’t let anyone tell you, you are less than the best. You are worth far more than you have given yourself credit for. Take some time and write yourself love notes. Buy yourself flowers. Take yourself out on a date. Do the things YOU have always wanted to do. Just live. Breathe in the beauty and the peace around you, it’s everywhere if you just look for it.
Today I woke up on the “Other Side”, the bright side, the better side, the beautiful side. Today I can take back MY life, and begin to live it..REALLY LIVE IT! My life is my own now, and my path is my own now. That’s such a beautiful statement write out. This is my story. A story I share with the world now, so that everyone can see the “other side”.